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Digging Through Grief: The Pain, the Lessons, the Light

One of the most intricate emotions to process is grief. I have seen people destroy themselves and lose their minds in trying to reason loss. The scapegoat may vary from the faceless enemy in the tomb of our consciousness to a specific person or people. We love a good scapegoat to blame for all our troubles. In grief, wars have been fought, atrocities committed, and lives lost. A few years ago, I lost my father. An enigma that I have tried to solve most of my life. A man who was kind, gentle, and present. A man who withered before my very eyes. Muscle, sinew, and ligament dissolved into bone, and skin folded into a tent for a once vigorous and happy man.    Standing at the door of a bleak future, I refused to open it. When circumstances forced the door ajar, I came to the same door down the corridor. I was confused, lost, and disoriented—the reverberation of a sheltered life, one where my father, once a provider and protector to many, needed the same in return. An oas...
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Are You Worthy? Or Are You Valuable?

The idea of being born free and equal was enshrined in the Universal Declaration of Human Rights (UDHR). A document crafted with the help of Eleanor Rosevelt, and announced on 10th December 1948 by the United Nations. This was a few years after World War II where almost 120 million people perished, or 5% of the world’s 2.3 billion population then. By today’s scale, that would mean wiping out the entire East African Community. A staggering toll of death and destruction. This document inspired UN member countries to enact laws ensuring that as long as you were born a human being, you had certain rights.   The Bible says, ‘We are all created in the image of God’ which signifies inherent dignity and worth. Thus, worthy even before we add or deduct from our lives. The image of God - able to reflect him morally, intellectually, and spiritually.    Yet, our dark history shows us devolving from Eden. Cain killed his brother Abel because of jealousy.  He then went for...

Silence the Noise and Take Control of the Voices in Your Mind

It had been two days since the event. Two ladies were seated at a restaurant having dinner. One of them, Sue, heaved visibly. She remembered how it all began.       Sue was locked in a present ennui, watching trees turn into a foggy green, and zooming by. The further they were, the more picturesque they appeared. Rolling hills majestically hewn from the ground. Robert had sent her fare to visit him in the big city. This was a virgin voyage. Raised in Embu, she had never charted a course to Nairobi. Her mother, a nurse, had never thought it necessary. Her father, a businessman, had died when she was a teenager.                  Sue had met Robert on a dating app.   The chemistry was instant. ‘He makes me feel special,’ she wrote in her diary. Yet couldn’t bring herself to tell Agatha, her best friend, what she was up to. “I am traveling to Nairobi to visit my aunt,...

The A.B.C. of Hard Times

The room was full of people drinking themselves into a stupor. The air was heavy, with a stench of disappointment. I was standing in the middle of a stuffy dimly lit hovel. Reggae music filtered from an unknown origin as I strained to see where my friend sat. He had lost his job, and soon enough his world had caved in. His wife of ten years had left with their two children. I found him slumped next to a full-bosomed woman. She had a melancholy and a distance to her eyes, lost in her thoughts and traumas. Their cups were half filled with a froth and a jug stood by waiting to be of service.    “Hey, here comes my friend!” Gerald said. He had a hopeless look in his eyes. He masked it with a tired smile. He had been drinking for two straight days in the hovel. “Please find him for us. He is not taking calls.” His younger sister had asked. I reflected on the good days when Gerald was considered an exemplar, an eloquent young man, with a bright future in an international tech compan...

Why Invest in Others?

  “That’s a beautiful question, young man!” said the spiritual leader, reposed in a chair on stage in the auditorium. A close friend had invited me to an event organized by the Jain community in Kenya. I was intrigued. We all have questions, so I attended, carrying along my curiosity. When the Q&A session began, I decided to ask questions and see where they would lead me. It was uncomfortable as I was one of the few black people in the meeting among a sea of Asians who called Kenya their home. It was an honor being before a person they revered greatly. From the way I was attentively handled, they were happy to have me there. Yet curious about my interest, and presence. My discomfort soon dissipated as I observed them invested in several rituals that strengthened their belief.   I felt a love and devotion more potent in that room among the devotees than in other religious communities I have interacted with. There was a submission to the spiritual leader, with no sel...

Are You Crazy? You Want Me To Fast?

I was sitting in my house one evening contemplating the great ‘ why ’ .    Why had my weight ballooned?  My weight has been stable for the last year. Swinging back and forth , oscillating  between 3 kg .  I looked at my stomach pouch  that was storing fat in case starvation hit my country. I still had a six-pack, but it was fighting for survival like Atlas holding the weight of the world.   I was frustrated and felt out of control for most of the December holiday. My orderly, result-oriented mind wanted clear outcomes—military outcomes, including a finished draft of a book by the end of 2024. The book a sci-fi was draining, it took more than it gave. I didn’t know how to replenish my energy. In the pursuit of peace. I traveled to the village and in the calm serenity of my mother’s farm I finally settled on a schedule that gave breath to the book . I wrote fast , stitching the sinew, ligaments, and bones of the book.   A iming to outpace a lethargy...