One of the hardest things to accept is that most of us are unhappy with our work. We strive to make progress only to look in the mirror and struggle to keep a smile.
Yesterday, I took a walk and watched the wind rustle leaves on the trees in my estate. As I navigated around potholes I contemplated a contradiction.
Why is it we work hard to build castles with no foundation? Chase after illusions so that people can celebrate us.
The job, the house, the clothes, the trips, the accolades, Lord forbid that relationship you have; all an illusion to gain acceptance.
If I asked you to take some time off and go somewhere secluded alone. Would you experience joy, or dread? The dread of being forgotten. Dread of your existence being irrelevant in the grander scheme of things. And for that, you hold on to this life desperately. Grudgingly. Keep those castles up in the air with all the fiber of your existence.
A few days ago my fridge capitulated after years of faithful service. I invited a distinguished old man. Old only in age, but vigor rippled through his face. An adroit man. He came highly regarded having served as a fridge expert for 34 years.
As he stood before me with a smile, I realized he was sizing me up.
“The repairs will cost around 5,000 Kshs.”
My face creased and I gasped, mimicking a painful experience. It had worked in negotiating for a lower price before.
“The work here is intense.” He said looking at me diverting his attention from the fridge, which he was already disassembling.
“I don’t have that amount, sir!”
“You have a good fridge here sir,” he retorted. ‘Boss you can’t pay that amount with this fridge!’ He pressed the first button.
“It’s one of those that doesn’t trouble people much.” He smiled masterfully.
“3,000 Kshs.” I blurted out.
“I could do one service, and then the other you can do next time,” He smiled as he revealed the moldy affair that had congregated in my fridge, taking up any nook and cranny available.
He won, he had me.
“Please just repair the fridge. I will find the money.” I said dividing my gaze and attention between him and the mold.
The mold had covered all the food I had left and more. I had been gone for too long. I found a watery substrate weaving its way from the fridge fleeing from the mold and coursing a desperate path into the sitting room.
The whole house was still stinking despite my attempts at cleaning up.
“Let me open it up and find out what is in here,” he said having agreed on the price. He seemed almost glad to wade into the mold, despite the stench, something he experienced often I imagined.
“Can I clean it up as you open up the fridge?” I offered.
He hesitated for a moment. Then the smile came back, and suddenly he looked more amiable.
“Definitely,” he retorted.
I am a tinkerer and cleaner at heart. I stood nearby in silent anticipation.
By this time, the fridge had been dissected, its internal organs were exposed to the elements. It looked new and undisturbed, save for the mold roping through. I got my surgical artifacts, vinegar, bleach, and detergent, and stood by him. As he wired, I cleaned.
Then it happened.
“Man, I have never seen a bachelor with such a clean house.” He said.
I laughed.
“You are gracious,” I said knowing this social dance well.
“How long have you done this job?” I asked back.
“Many years.” He had a contemplative look. I had asked a good question.
“You have seen many homes, and been to many homes?”
“Definitely! And see the way men and women live with each other.”
“Really?”
“Yes, and the more expensive the fridge, the more chaotic the relationships,”
“Really?”
“There are houses I have been to where men are silent. They barely even say hi to me when I arrive. They strut around the kitchen and living room just trying to claim dominance as I quietly do my work. But they are not in control. The women speak and their word is final.”
“How did you come to this conclusion?”
“Men who are the authority in their homes greet me often. They seem comfortable in their homes. They walk around and smile often. Those that have been sat on, always seem subdued when their wives are around. And you can always tell in their eyes they don’t like it there. And a lot of these men are in these plush estates like Loresho.”
“Wow! It is so?”
“It is so. I have also been to houses where men are very domineering. To the point, the women in those houses use me as a conduit to make some ‘allowance’. You may ask how. Many times I will receive a call, and it’s a woman. And she will say. ‘Sam make sure you charge 9,000 Kshs.’ My charge at that time may be 4,000 Kshs. ‘You will then give me the 5,000 Kshs.’.”
I feigned surprise. This Nairobi of ours never shocks me nowadays. I press on.
“And you do it?”
“What can I do, if I don’t, I won’t get any more business from her or her friends who also come because of ‘allowance’.”
“Do you sometimes serve more ‘allowance’ issues than real issues?”
“Not as often, but I have my dubious repeat clients. Those sometimes I avoid. It can destroy my reputation, which I have built over time.”
“Yes, you have been in this business for a while.”
“34 years to be exact.”
“That’s a long time to be in one job.”
“I started as an electrician. Then did fridges, and people want to maintain their fridges. They have a love relationship with them. I got better at repairing them, and I kept my referrals from far and wide.”
I nodded.
“At a certain point, I had a shop. But when the owner sold it, the new owner wanted to do other things and I had to leave. Afterward, I realized that my wide clientele did not need me to have a shop, and I have relied on that for this long.”
“Wow,! You don’t need a shop. And how does that sustain you?”
“Quite well. I must say.”
“Do you think marriages are working nowadays?” I jumped back to another thought.
“Not like in the old days. I have two wives, you know!”
“What!” I rolled back, nearly falling over.
“Yes, and if I tried getting married today. It would not work. Your women nowadays are another breed. They are more liberal, independent, and chaotic.”
“Really? Why do you say this?”
“They earn more than the men in their lives. And when a man loses the ability to provide for a woman, or she seems to go hunting and comes back with a bigger hunt she doesn’t see him the same way. Somehow the respect is lost. And it is just the way they are built. What is he good for? Then we have men who are kept and want to be kept. It’s a crazy affair.”
“How do you handle your marriages?” I asked intrigued.
“I am always honest with my wives. And they don’t stay together. I have two houses one in Nairobi and the other in the village. They rotate coming to Nairobi and going back home.”
“Are you happy?”
“Happy is a state of mind my friend. I enjoy what I do immensely. I will be making fridges for a long time to come. I enjoy discovering the newer ones and repairing them. My clients refer me to their friends. And I enjoy seeing them satisfied with my service. This work keeps me engaged every day. I don’t think I want to do anything unless you find fridges that will repair themselves. I love working with my hands and seeing the outcome. It gives me meaning.”
“Is that the meaning of happiness?”
“I also live a simple life. I am content. I never desire what I see in the houses of the wealthy, because I see its an illusion. They seem happy outside, but inside many are very sad.”
I nodded.
“When I go home. I have a warm family. I have raised my children well. They are united. We laugh a lot, and my children are grown and have their own homes.”
“Really!”
“Life should be simple. We complicate it based on our many desires. Just keep it simple and you will be fine.”
I looked at him and imagined. Wow! He had nailed it. The gentleman was in his 60s and looked calm, lean, and settled. He looked younger than he was. He had been referred to me as one who solved all issues related to fridges. The best of them. He was easy to talk to and trust.
As I walked that evening, watching the trees sway, enjoying the breeze. I asked myself, what does it mean to be happy? Is it the things I had accumulated over time? Was it the peace and serenity I felt by being present at that moment not worried about the many responsibilities in my life?
I remembered a good inference.
Happiness is the joy you feel striving after your potential. I used to have a job that I never really enjoyed. It paid the bills, and at a certain point it kept me busy, and I strove to become the best. But I always felt inadequate, like there was someone else better. A sense of jealousy was always near me, as I wanted to compete and win.
Happiness sounds better when we say it’s the intersection between engagement, pleasure, and meaning.
Statistically, 79% of the global workforce is disengaged. They don’t feel an emotional connection at work. Don’t feel like they are part of something greater. And they are not committed to what they are doing.
To be engaged, you have to be involved, dedicated, and motivated, which is your responsibility. Although, leaders in organizations have a responsibility. For their employees to be engaged and committed, they have to build trust.
Meaning is something we must strive to uncover for ourselves. And many tools allow us to find our purpose. (I help people find purpose as a habit coach).
Pleasure seems to be a vapor we all chase frequently. We want something that we are passionate about, that is fun, enjoyable, and satisfying. This can be achieved if we are intentional in finding what excites us and incorporating it into our daily lives.
Happiness leads to success in all aspects of our lives; health, social relationships, career, business, marriages, community. The list is endless. A happier you, a more successful you. Increasing opportunities, inspiring you to be more creative, and open to new ideas. And success comes.
Happiness comes before these results.
You choose to be happy. You cultivate positive emotions. Happiness is a positive emotion. This means being content, and grateful. Holding rich social relationships intentionally.
How do you cultivate happiness?
Be present, exercise. Walk, or run, but be active. Spend money on experiences rather than things. Commit conscious acts of kindness. Find and do something that you look forward to doing.
As I looked up at the swaying trees. I noticed I was grateful and happy, despite the ups and downs of life. And for that reason, it was easier for me to make phone calls, and even write this blog that I hope will be helpful to you to realize that it's your choice to be happy.
Thank you for taking the time to read this blog! I'm Edwin Moindi, a Life and Habit Coach dedicated to helping people understand their habits, navigate their emotions, and cultivate emotional intelligence for a happier, more balanced life. I'd love to hear your thoughts—feel free to reach out and share your insights or questions!
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